Stepping Into A Dream

"YOU ARE SO LUCKY MOM! YOU GET TO START SCHOOL BEFORE ME!" - Said my four-year old with a sigh as I tucked him in for bed last night. 

With a kiss on his cheek and warmth in my heart, I wished him sweet dreams, and prayed for restful sleep. 

This morning I stepped into my dream. Not just somebody else's dream, or somebody else's dream for my life, or somebody else's idea for my own dream. I've been doing all those kinds of dreams for the last two decades. Today --I stepped into MY own dream. 

And it felt so good. 

Simon Sinek says, "success is when reality looks like what's in our imagination."

Today I began my graduate studies at St. Catherine University's Occupational Therapy program. The pursuit of a fulfilling career, and doing something meaningful with my life has been a lifelong dream of mine. And it has been a wild journey.

A few of you know my whole story,  some of you know a few bits and pieces, and most of you know only what social media reveals. The same goes for me in regards to most of you who are reading these words. We all make so many assumptions about each other based on a few strands of context. And that is why I am writing now, because I want to remember the context of where I am, how I got here, and the immense privilege that it is to be sitting in the plush purple chairs of St. Catherine University. 

I still don't feel comfortable discussing the painful implications of my fundamental upbringing on this open platform, but I can say that wrestling with my pain and slowly finding peace with my past has brought me to this place of purple chairs and cheery professors. Simon Sinek succinctly states, "Fulfillment is not born of the dream. Fulfillment is born of the journey."

Ah! The journey! Yes. It really is all about the journey. 

I was nearly giddy with excitement and joy today - and half the time teetering on the verge of tears. I literally had to pinch myself. To know that I am HERE and this is ME - here - fully present - TODAY - with MY DREAM. Together at last. 

"First the pain, then the rising." (Thank you for those wise words, Glennon Doyle-Melton, they have become a cherished mantra.)

Today felt like the beginning of my rising. Some of my classmates felt like it was the beginning of their three years of expensive, self-imposed tyranny, and tutelage --we were all a bit overwhelmed with the reality of it all-- but to me, it felt like the beginning of something very beautiful and precious, like the conception of one of my babies.

I am excited because I am here - but more importantly, I am fulfilled because of the struggle that it took to get here. I may look like your average OT student: white, middle class, female, late twenties -- but that does not make me average.  This is just the beginning, and I am so very grateful to have a beginning. 

"A vision is like a dream --it will disappear unless we do something with it. Do something big or do something small. But stop wondering and go on an adventure." Simon Sinek