"Life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared." -Henri Nouwen
Life.
A gift to be shared.
That pretty much sums up my year. This year. 2014. Our year. One year of sharing life together with two women who have disabilities.
The Chase family + Jodi + Sarah. #sharedliving
Twelve months of 24/7 care and responsibility.
An in-depth life study in Down Syndrome, Autism, Mental Health, Dementia, and Two-Year-Olds.
A crash course in learning about the fragility and frustrations of a life dependent upon government funding. Assessments. Appeals. Advocacy.
The privilege to be paid to work at home and invest precious time with my son.
The opportunity for Jesse to pursue grad school and begin a new career.
Endless opportunities to create positive solutions. Or at the very least - to try something new.
Showers. Toenails. Toothbrushes. Toilets. Cleaning. Observing. Prompting. Cueing. Helping.
Planting. Planning. Cooking. Canning. Healthy food. Delicious food. Plenty of food.
Challenging days. Joyful days. Discouraging days. Hopeful days. Long days. Short years.
Shared living is constant. Never ending. Exhausting. Demanding.
---And yet strangely.... fulfilling. Yes. It is fulfilling.
To share life. To live a little differently. A little more openly.
To embrace the challenges and choose joy. To count the blessings. To see the gifts. To cherish the memories as they are being made. To love others. To create new possibilities.
To find inspiration in unlikely places and people.
To learn from the parents who have spent decades faithfully loving their children unconditionally and who continuously advocate for their quality of life.
To see Sarah and Jodi thrive.
To see my son Caden thrive and live without fear of those who are different than him.
To share life fully IS filling.
Fulfilling.
People often ask me: "How is it going?" and "How are you doing?" Honestly, I don't always have a well-thought out response, but don't let that deceive you. You need to understand: my days are a blur. If you catch me on an especially challenging day, I might just burst into tears if you ask how I'm doing - but don't be scared, I'm just so happy that you asked! I always carry with me the weight of responsibility for the three people in my care. My stress levels are higher than the general population. Research has shown that caregiving - in any capacity (typical parenting and other "helping" professions included) is the single most stressful job out there. And if the people in need of care have any additional health issues, disabilities, cognitive delays, or emotional trauma; pounds of stress are added to the backs of those who provide care.
It's a heavy load. It's a precious load.
So - How IS it going??? Well, we all have enough to eat. We all get enough sleep. We all have enough money. We all have enough possessions - and we definitely have enough Disney Movies. We have a warm and cozy home with a roof over head. We have great neighbors. We have supportive friends and family. We hug tightly and laugh deeply whenever we can. I can say with full integrity that it is going well. We are ready to begin year number two fully engaged and grateful.
Finally - How am I doing??? I am learning. I am changing. I am persevering. Don't ask me how or what or why - I don't know that part yet. All I know is that I need to focus on one day at a time - while continuing to reach for my dreams and purposing to keep my spirit alive. I am intentionally not allowing "care-giving" or even "being a mom" to become my sole identity. I am still me. Ruth Chase. I'm just sharing parts of me with parts of others for parts of time. Sharing life. Because I believe that my life IS a gift to be shared. And I don't resent sharing it. Because - their lives are gifts as well.
