Enough.

Enough. Enough. Enough.

Is that enough? Do we have enough? Am I enough?

My efforts. My possessions. My self.

Will "it" ever be enough?

The year of 2013 has been a year of committing to saying yes. To thinking Yes. To believing that YES, yes IT IS enough.

My efforts - no matter how minuscule, mundane, or insignificant - they are enough. Not perfect, not without fault, not without room for improvement - but they are enough. My home isn't always spotlessly clean or perfectly organized, but it is always warm. My fridge isn't always stocked with the freshest most organic-est produce, but it is always available to share with others. My efforts are enough.

My possessions - they are not up for comparison or competition with others (or pinterest, or blogs, or magazines). Period. End of story. I am free to appreciate what others have, but I will not compete or compare or wallow in discontent.  I am grateful for what I have because what I have is enough.

My self - I am not the sum of my efforts and my possessions. My identity is not based upon what I accomplish or produce in a day, nor what I spend my money on. I am Ruth. Plain and simple. I am enough. Even without make-up. Even without a distinct fashion style. Even without popular music knowledge. Even without the affirmation or approval of others.

I'm kind of amazed that I am able to articulate these things. And admit them so freely - without even feeling ashamed. Even a year ago I thought I was headed for a life-time of people-pleasing and self-promoting. That's the soul-leeching result of discontentment. I know it well. It's not very peaceful. It's not conducive to empathy. And it definitely does not cultivate gratitude.

Gratitude. That's where it all started with me. At the beginning of the year, I read a book that my mother-in-law gave to me: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. This reading inspired me to make a New Years resolution that I have actually been able to keep. I resolved two things. 1.) Keep a list of all the "gifts" that I receive in my daily meanderings. And 2.) Pray a simple "breath" prayer of gratitude throughout my days.

photo compliments of Nicole Rule

Simple simple practices. That's where I needed to start. List-keeping and gift-receiving. My list is sitting on my desk now, and is waiting for me to write down the gift for number 443.

I had no idea how life-changing this simple discipline would be. Voskamps central challenge throughout her gripping account of struggling through life's losses and sorrows is to give thanks for everything. She illuminates the mystery behind the Christian practice of communion - the Eucharist - the elusive symbol of the body and blood of Jesus Christ. The ultimate picture of Grace - of Forgiveness - of Love. He gave his life - and He gave thanks. And it was enough. It was enough to satisfy the righteousness of God himself. And it IS enough. It is enough for me and all of humanity to be made whole. To be given the gift of Grace - to be Forgiven - to be Loved. Wholly and unconditionally. To receive and then share that gift with others, its such a beautiful thing. Our world could use more examples of gracious, forgiving, and loving people. Examples of lives that live louder than just words. Examples of men and women who live with consistent actions of grace, forgiveness, and love.

My most meaningful example of this is through receiving communion at my church every Sunday. This religious ritual has only recently taken on a powerful meaning in my life.  It really was just a ritual for so many years. But now, as I wait in line each week to tear off a chunk of bread and dip it in the wine - I am filled with amazement and gratitude that there is always enough for me. There's always enough grace for me. And enough grace for me to extend to others.

Breathing. That is my second resolution. Breathing. Such an important function for life - and so often taken for granted. In my massage practice this is something that I often coach my clients in. To serve as a catalyst for their own self-awareness. Taking a deep breath in.  And s l o w l y letting it out....and repeating. To bring awareness to the current state of being. The state of being present. In body, mind, and spirit.

Combining breath with prayer however, has been a new experience for me. One that has been gently encouraged by the writings and examples of my spiritual mentors over the last few years. However, it hasn't been until this year that I have actually been in a place of willingness and commitment to apply this discipline to my own life. Henri Nouwen insists that "prayer pulls us away from self-preoccupations, encourages us to leave familiar ground, and challenges us to enter into a new world which cannot be contained within the narrow boundaries of our mind or heart." (Reaching Out p. 90) And so I breathe. I breathe in and I say "Thank you Lord." I breathe out and I say "It is enough." Sometimes verbally - usually barely audible even to myself. But mostly I breathe in the safety of my own heart.  And it has been in that sacred, safe place where the change has been happening.

My own heart - its being renewed by these breaths. These breaths of gratitude. They have given fresh oxygen to my lungs. A deep and abiding joy in my circumstances. Breathing + pray help me keep my sense of rhythm. I acknowledge the gifts I daily receive from the giver of life. Gifts of life itself, of flowers, of mountains, of babies, of the elderly, of the refugee survivors, of lakes, of the ability to run, of birds, of farmers and their fresh market produce. And I am amazed. I am overwhelmed. It is not only enough - It is more than enough!

VANCOUVER

Every once in awhile, this little family of three needs some quality time. We equate "quality" as including:

• Being physically and emotionally present and engaged with each other.  
• Discovering, exploring, or experiencing something or somewhere new.
• Taking an intentional break from the demands of work and the daily mundane.
• Delighting in the little things (meaning: "quality" for us is not big, expensive, or stressful).

Mother's Day this year presented us with the perfect opportunity for some intentional quality time. Props to Jesse for arranging our delightful "surprise" trip to Vancouver weeks ahead of time! We've been itching to get there for awhile, and have been looking for an opportunity to use #mistercaden's pasport. In the midst of a busy season of growing, we really needed a peaceful and restorative weekend. And that it was. I'm so grateful for a husband who values rest and re-connection. Vancouver is just a 3.5 hour drive directly north from Seattle, the perfect distance for a little getaway. Below are a few pictures from our expedition and some snippets of what we found to do in our brief, two night stay.

Our arrival on Saturday night was welcomed with a fresh downpour of rain, which made for a drenching walk through a beautiful, nearby trail along a river, followed by the discovery of a fabulous local hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant that provided us with some superb and steamy Pho. We ordered take-out, and settled in for a cozy, rainy night in our awesome "Priceline" hotel in North Vancouver. 

We are super blessed with an amazingly pleasant and portable little guy. Caden seems to have an un-canny sense of "knowing" that adventure awaits, and is just as excited to make the most of it as we are. He has been teething for the past couple of weeks, and actually broke his first little toothers over the weekend - but somehow still slept and traveled like a champ.

We like to experiment with just how "minimally" we can travel with a kid, so we didn't bring our porta-crib. There was a hide-a-bed, so we pulled that out and surrounded him with sofa cushions so he wouldn't roll off. He slept his usual 11 hours at night, and then had a solid 2 hour morning nap each day before we took off for the explorations of Vancouver.




It rained most of Sunday morning, but we are now from Seattle - so that wasn't even a big deal. We have learned the art of joy-making in the rain. You just need a good rain-coat, a sense of humor, and a little perseverance. There are always breaks in the downpours, you just have to be ready to capitalize on them. We walked around downtown for a couple of hours in the rain, with Caden under the rain-cover in his running stroller. We really liked Granville street - lots of culture, unique shops, and local coffee shops. Downtown Vancouver struck us as really clean and well organized with lots of beautiful urban landscaping.  We really enjoy experiencing cities via foot to get a "feel" for the pace and personality of a new place.

Lunch time found us in front of a unique little hot dog stand that had a line out the door, and pictures of the strangest looking hot dogs that we had ever seen. The place was called "JAPADOG" and as the title insinuates, they served Japanese style hot-dogs. We had never heard of such a phenomenon, so naturally, we had to give it a try. The subtitle on their website (which I looked up later) pretty much sums up our experience, "Making the world happy and alive through hotdogs." If you have a minute or two to spare, I would recommend reading the heart-warming story of their humble beginnings. JAPADOG was started by a young couple with big dreams and determination, overcoming huge obstacles in a new country/culture, having a baby, and then experiencing huge success (thanks to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver!). Apparently, the Japanese hot-dog trend has exploded all over the U.S. - and as far as I can tell, JAPADOG was the trailblazer. Not sure that I would regularly put seaweed on my hotdog, but I appreciate the uniqueness.

After lunch, the rain stopped, (although the clouds never went away). So we were able to enjoy some more explorations via foot and bike. We drove over the Granville Bridge and explored a fun neighborhood known as West Granville. Enjoyed some delicious coffee, and browsed some fancy "dream" shops. On our way to the iconic Stanley Park (which is basically an island in the middle of the city that has been preserved as a park/wildlife sanctuary) we missed the entrance back onto the Granville bridge, and found ourselves on Granville Island! Granville Island turned out to be an awesome place of its own, and quite the tourist attraction. There is a large fine-art college on the island and most of the space is dedicated to showcasing the local talent. They also had a wonderful public market - similar to Pikes Place. Our favorite part was enjoying a show by a street performer, he was talented and hilarious, with the highlight of his show fitting his entire body through a squash racket while balancing on a wobble board 6 feet off the ground. Crazy Canadians.

 After this, we finally made it to our much awaited destination of Stanley Park! 

This picture of Stanley Park was not taken by me. Such a beautiful island-park, a gift in an urban jungle!

As it was getting close to Caden's bedtime, and he hadn't had a solid afternoon nap due to our gallivanting, we only had an hour to explore the park. Our goal was to ride our bikes all the way around the perimeter, which we gleefully did. Along with scoring some beautiful pictures of the city, we were glad to leave with our lives and bodies in tact after a couple of near collisions with tourists on bike rentals who had a strange tendency to stop suddenly or fall off their bikes right in front of you.

Real explorers wear helmets.

My blue and pink bike! It's one of my favorite ways to see and experience a city. 

 Monday morning we checked out of our hotel, and finished our Vancouver adventure with some quality time in nature. We hiked through the beautiful "Lynn Canyon" located just a few miles East of where we were staying in North Vancouver.

The suspension bridge passing over the canyon and waterfall.

The beautiful waterfall at Lynn Canyon

Monday was predicted to be the rainiest day of our adventure, but it turned out to be the most sunny and warm,  go figure...life in the Pacific North West seems to be generally unpredictable. Ha!

  Caden loves hiking with us, he starts "singing" little baby songs when he's bouncing around in the carrier. He was also quite thrilled with his first driving lesson with dad in the parking lot of Lynn Canyon. His favorite part was honking the horn. Not an essential for safe driving, but hey, we all start somewhere.

Final props to Canada for their high quality and aesthetically pleasing bridge designs! 

We look forward to coming back sometime soon. Next time, we hope to travel via Amtrak!

Growing.

We visited the tulip fields in Skagit County last week!

Springtime in Seattle is absolutely breathtaking. For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you know this to be true.

I have recently found renewed energy and joy through the visual symphony of ever changing colors and vegetation out here in the Pacific North West. I am inspired by the beauty around me that is so content in its simple life of cycling through seasons of resting, renewing, growing, and blooming. And then faithfully repeating that rhythmic cycle year after year.


I really like the idea of settling into a rhythm throughout life. I gave up trying to find "balance" (whatever the heck that means) long ago. Life seasons change so fast - each presenting with its own set of challenges, joys, and sorrows. When I've tried to focus on finding a balance, I just find myself swept away with perfectionism, competition, and the gnawing sense that somehow, someway, I was failing somebody, somewhere: ALL THE TIME. Maybe I'm just really bad at balance. It seems to work for other people, but I've been realizing I'm more of a rhythm kind of girl.

Rhythm allows me freedom to learn - to not have everything perfect, or to even have to "do" something all the time, I have freedom to rest when I need it. I have space in rhythms to grow - to ask others for help, to admit that I can't do it all. And at some point in my symphonic, rhythmic life - I find a strange burst of new life, new strength, new joy, new beauty --something that I failed to notice before, like the subtle crescendo in a Vivaldi Concerto. Something that I just might have missed had I been too caught up in "balancing" and keeping it all together. Rest. Renewal. Growth. Bloom. Seasons. It's rhythm. It's change. It's life.

Each flower that I have taken pictures of this year has already faded, their delicate petals falling away. Now treaded under ungrateful feet and swept onto the street. Its a simple life to "bloom where planted". Not much is glamorous about the daily, mundane tasks of the unfamous life. But I am an advocate for the mundane! I passionately believe that what happens in the mundane is of most crucial importance. Important because each life matters. Crucial because each life touches other lives. And how we care for our inner self-life does effect others. I can't care for others well if I'm not caring for myself well. The condition of my heart, my mind, my spirit, my body -- it is all profoundly connected. And it profoundly effects my relationships with others. The mundane moments matter.

My time here on the other side of the mountains has been a daily struggle amid the mundane. I have, until recently, felt like a deeply buried tulip bulb. Having a child of my own has absorbed me in a life of never ending and primarily unseen acts of love and care for my family. Its been overwhelmingly mundane at times.

Our dear Chicago friends, who started off as
next door neighbors Matt + Kara + Otis(RIP)

I think back to a year ago, and where I was, and how I was thriving in the season of "growing a baby". I was deeply involved and invested in my Chicago neighborhood of Edgewater. I had amazing  friends and I knew my neighbors. My work was fulfilling and supplemented with volunteering all over the northside of Chicago - most consistently with the Peterson Garden Project. I was continuously encouraged and challenged by Community Christian Church and our dynamic and genuine pastors, Rich and Dori Gorman, whose lives speak of a gospel of beautiful grace louder than any sermon they preach. It was a season of renewal and growth for me. After taking a year hiatus from "church" and "religion", Jesse and I returned with a renewed perspective and a more authentic faith. We were forever impacted and blessed by our time with the Gormans and CCC.

And then the boom: we suddenly moved 2,000 miles away! And then two weeks later, the bloom: our spunky little ball of personality was born, affectionately known as #mistercaden. All the time of renewal and growth seemed to have vanished over night! I was buried deep in the mundane, the exhausting, the lonely, and the very real sense of deep loss. I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown a time or two, it was just so deep and dark and cold. The sun didn't shine.  

My biggest battle was just getting out of bed. Once I managed that, I could keep moving, one sluggish step at a time. But some days I just needed more rest. And that was ok too. I couldn't always smile. I couldn't always laugh. I typically felt more sorrow than joy. Sometimes I forced myself to make friends, but most of the time I just baked. I baked bread, muffins, cookies, pies, cakes. I really love to bake. It was my therapy. And somehow all those carbs helped me get through (and I'm pretty sure, bought me some friends along the way).

So why do I record all of this here and now? Why remember the season of sorrow and the unwelcome rhythm of stopping to rest? Because I need it for perspective in my present season of joy and growth.

I have been renewed once again - by the receiving of grace. The acceptance of so many gifts. The realization of how much I have to be grateful for. Many of these gifts pay tribute to the mundane and are cataloged on instagram. Others have been profoundly personal - gifts given especially to me by the Giver of life itself.  Eucharisteo. Graces received. (Thank you to Ann Voskamp and her life-changing book One Thousand Gifts.)
Growing, thriving, and joyous are words that describe me now. Once again. Even more than before. Somehow, I think I've come to appreciate the rhythm a bit more. I now see that resting and staying in the mundane is what kept me sane.

In the mundane is where I continue learn the value of rest and renewal - and the impact that a renewed spirit has on others. During this time, I was listening to my mom friends talk about the difficulty of self-care once you have a child that demands all your care and time. I could definitely relate. This inspired me to create a solution - for myself and for others. So I developed the concept of Momssage.

My vision for Momssage is to make massage therapy one form of self care that is more easily accessible for moms. The library has become a good friend of mine over the past 6 months as I've learned how to write a business plan, set goals, develop marketing strategies, file for a business license,  provide exceptional customer service, etc etc etc. I just re-evaluated my 3 month goals, and I am pleased to see the growth. Not just in my business - but in my life - I feel the seasons changing. I am growing. I know the boom and the bloom and the season of rest and renewal will come again, and I will welcome its unbalanced return. But in the meantime, I am growing.