All There.

There's something about having a child of your own that makes you reflect upon and learn from your own childhood. I am no exception. I often find myself reflecting on my past as I watch Caden grow and continue to learn who he is. I have recently been reminiscing about my earliest endeavor of striving after the ever elusive "other side of a mountain."

It was a valiant attempt really. My endeavor was a simple one. I dreamed of digging a hole to China from the plains of South Dakota. (Tell me I'm not the only child to have ever dreamed of accomplishing this extraodinary task??) At the bold and fearless "conquer the world" age of 7, I rallied 3 of my brothers to believe in my cause, and they joined in with eager shovels and loads of energy.

Being the somewhat strange, home-schooled, imaginative children that we were, we chose to begin this quest of digging our expansive tunnel on the highest point of our property.

With great tenacity, we undertook this expedition fully confident that China was indeed within our grasp...just on the other side of the hill; upon which we staked our little American flag.

We worked really hard. Well, "we" meaning mainly my three brothers. I was in charge of vision casting and morale boosting.

Periodically, I would crouch down in our little hole on top of our little hill, and tell my brothers that I could hear the people of China talking and working below us - convincing all of us that we were almost there.

After about....three....long....arduous....days. Something on that mighty hillside dawned on us...

We realized that we actually had an amazing hill that was full of unforeseen adventures all of its own! Why did we need to sojourn to China when we were already standing on a little mountain of wonders? So, with high spirits, we traded our heavy garden shovels for plastic army men, and over the days to come we reenacted many victorious battles from our history lessons.

A vivid and vibrant imagination is a gift. One that I have always enjoyed. And am excited to enjoy with my dear son in adventures yet to come.

However, along with encouraging an active imagination, I also recognize the need to ground myself in the realities of the present.  I have been slow to learn that living in beautiful places far away in my imagination - often prevents me from living and learning in the beautiful places in the present moment. Somehow, my narcissistic heritage prefers to place myself at the center of grandiose accomplishments on top of towering peaks of achievement and success. I'm not saying that having goals is a bad thing - I'm all about writing goals and dreams down on a consistent basis - and taking steps to achieve those goals. What I am talking about is living in the imaginary world in my head where I AM all of those goals and achievements. Where I finally arrive...on the other side of the mountain as somebody of worth and prestige. This quest...to the other side of mountains...is as futile as attempting to dig to China from the plains of South Dakota. I can keep digging. Or, I can just stop and enjoy the beauty on my little hillside and say "it is enough."


So. That is what this season of my life is dedicated to. Learning how to surrender my fantasy of striving for the other side of the mountain - whatever that particular mountain might be. To just accept where I am as being where I am meant to be. And to be all there. In the words of Jim Elliott who said so simply, "wherever you are, be all there."

This seems to be the challenge of my lifetime. Whether it has been working at a homeless shelter or Starbucks, being in school or being a stay at home mom, moving across the country or living in the Midwest-- to be ALL THERE-- to be fully present-- and fully aware of God's presence-- that is where I find peace like a river.

The Grass is Greener?

The other side of the mountain...

.....isn't that the place where the grass is always greener? 
.....where the sun shines brighter?
.....where people are happier? 
.....where you fit in?
.....where you are loved?
.....where there is no more pain?
.....where sorrows are a grey haze in the distant horizon of your past?

Well here I am.
On the other side of the mountain.
Several mountains actually.
From the flat plains of the Midwest, to the inspiring peaks of the Pacific North West. 
From being surrounded by cornfields, to being surrounded by mountains.
I'm on the other side.


I must admit: the grass IS greener here. 
However, what they don't often tell you is that for the grass to be so vibrantly green, it requires a lot of rain. 
Welcome to Seattle. 
Where the grass is greener, but the sun is a special friend that visits only on occasion. 



Being a spunky, homeschooled, girl from the midwest, I've always been a big dreamer. Always longing for more. More to learn. More to understand. More to love. More to explore. About my faith. About life. About people. My dreams have often revolved around getting to the "other side of the mountains" - both literally and figuratively. Some of my dreams are simple ones, like finishing a tri-athalon, joining a book-club, starting a business, writing a blog....etc....So here we are. Checking some things off the "dream-list".

The purpose of this blog is not to become famous. It's not to grow followers. It's not to sell ads, run campaigns, write a book someday, make shallow attempts at theology, or make converts. I am an unashamed follower of Jesus Christ, which by its nature and name is offensive to some. But my purpose here is not to offend. 


This blog is just me,  sharing my physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental journey up and down the mountains and switchbacks of life.

My husband, Jesse and I made the rather abrupt decision to move to Seattle from Chicago in August of 2012. This move was deemed necessary due to the necessity of keeping his job.  Especially necessary with our first child on his way. Our engaging, joyous, and energetic son, Caden, was born 2 weeks after we crossed the physical mountains separating the Pacific North - from the Mid of the west. 

To be perfectly honest, the move hasn't been an easy one. (Is there such a thing as an "easy" move??) I definitely have a deeper understanding of why moving is considered one of life's most stressful circumstances. As well as having a baby. As well as having changes with jobs. As well as losing physical access to your entire relational support system. As well as having a 2 month, miserable battle with bedbugs somewhere in the middle of everything else. It's been a massive dog-pile of stressful life transitions. Not at all what I envisioned life would look like on the other side of the mountain.  

I have found great comfort and strength through the writings of Henri Nouwen, Ann Voskamp, Tim Keller, Walter Brueggemann, the Bible, Babywise, PNW hiking trail guides, instagram, my cookbooks, and journaling. It's become a precious season of finding an inner strength and resilience that I didn't know I had access too.  I have found the treasure that Paul writes about in 2 Corinthians 4...the treasure of having an "all-surpassing power that is from God and not natural to human nature" (my paraphrase). I read the rest of the passage with new empathy and understanding: "We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed ." (v.8) 

This other side of the mountain thing. Its really not all that its cracked up to be. But I am purposing to not lose heart. I am purposing to fix my eyes not on what is seen in the moments of crises or despair - but to instead raise my gaze to see the gifts in the present. To the unseen blessings of solitude, and the contentment found therein. The gifts. They are here. No matter which side of the mountain I am standing on.