ABILITY is what you're capable of doing.
MOTIVATION determines what you do.
ATTITUDE determines how well you do it.
-Lou Holtz-
Oh my dear Motivation! How strong and courageous I feel when you are by my side.
My undergraduate studies in psychology and social work equipped me in a lot of unique ways - but the current most useful tool I gained from my studies -and my time in chess club- are the basic principles I learned about human motivation.
This is something that I continuously evaluate - both in myself and in my rambunctious household. Why do we do what we do?? It's good to take a moment to stop and evaluate the underlying motivations of our decisions. Motivation is something that we all share in common. It takes many forms, but common to the five of us in this house is a wild range of curiosity, ridiculous stubbornness, unique obsessions, and conflicting plans for tomorrow --and dinner. Under the surface of these attributes dwells deep creativity, ongoing learning, a declaration of personhood, and the ability to hope and dream. Motivation is a beautiful thing.
The blending of our differing motivations has been perhaps my most challenging learning curve thus far. Especially because Sarah and Jodi and Caden aren't easily able to articulate what they are capable of or motivated by. I have to learn. They have to teach me. And the process is continuously changing and evolving. There is constant give and take as we live in this life-giving tension of shared space. So the question is daily begged: why? Why do we do this? What is
my motivation? Why do we choose to "share life" with two women who have disabilities?
There are four primary reasons why we are here. I want to put these reasons in writing so on the days when I lack motivation I can remember. The first two are extremely practical. The last two are extremely personal.
//Finances//
Simply put, we need a secondary income. We highly value living in an urban area and this means the cost of living is also higher. Having a child also raises our cost of living. I started my own massage practice last year (
www.momssage.com) and I am continuing to maintain it in addition to this new job. It takes years to build a steady clientele so while Momssäge slowly builds momentum it is an enjoyable outlet for me, but its not a sufficient financial contributor. It was last February that we heard about the opportunity to work with
Community Homes through a connection from our
church. After a few months of praying about it we decided to accept this opportunity as a blessing that provides a second income, secure housing, and eliminates the need for excessive childcare costs.
We are grateful to have the financial stability to make our dreams a reality.
//Education//
Jesse and I both have dreams of completing graduate school. In order to reach these educational goals, we first needed to find financial stability. We are thrilled to finally be taking steps towards these bigger dreams! Jesse is in the process of applying to an MBA program that will *hopefully* start this fall. Somewhere down the road, I also will be going to grad school for Occupational Therapy. In the meantime, while I work on finishing my pre-requisites; this job provides me with solid, hands-on experience that helps prepare me for the kind of work that I dream of someday doing as an OT.
The future work that I dream of doing involves motivating others to see the value of their lives.
//Family//
Until your life personally engages with someone with disabilities you don't quite understand the value of their lives. --At least this was true for me. Don't get me wrong - I've always been taught to be kind to people who have disabilities and to treat them with respect- but I never really understood the
VALUE of their lives until my twin nephews Isaac and Caleb were born (almost) two years ago. Their lives have
deeply impacted mine. I don't know if there are even words to describe just how this impact happened. It just happened. Maybe it was the first time I met them - when they were just 3 days old and the doctors didn't think they were going to make it. Their tiny little hands the size of my pinky. Their skin so delicate it was almost translucent. Their lungs struggling with each inhale. The massive machinery that kept them alive. Or maybe it was the first time I held Caleb in my arms when he was 5 months old. The weight of his warm body on my belly. His beautiful, trusting, blue blue eyes. His feeding tube, trachea, and g-tube suddenly fading to just inanimate pieces of plastic when compared with the beauty of who he is. Or maybe its been in those moments that I've had the privilege to just hold Isaac's pudgy little hand. With stiff fingers that don't bend. His quiet determination to make the wrist twitch just enough to say "hello". Or maybe it was in watching their parents over the past two years pour out every ounce of life-love-blood they can muster every single day as they fight-weep-rejoice to give to their precious sons even just ONE more day of life. I don't have the words I want to describe just how deeply Isaac and Caleb have impacted me. I just know that they have.
I realize that not everybody who has the opportunity "chooses" to share life with a child with disabilities.
Maybe its something you have to open yourself up to.
//Faith//
Isn't this what its all about? Faith? I've been on a bit of a quest to understand what it
really means to live a life of faith. The black and white answers of my fundamental past just don't cut it in real life. Especially when faced with hardship, confusion, pain, and suffering. Contrary to such black and white beliefs -I'm learning that faith isn't so much about changing these circumstances as it is about changing me. I like how Richard Rohr describes it: "Faith always invites us to a new and unfamiliar place." In the new and unfamiliar - that's where faith comes to life and motivates and inspires me.
//To take risks.
//To open myself up.
//To let myself be vulnerable to the touch of God and others.
I must admit its a scary thing at times. To let myself be touched. Scary because it exposes me to potential for greater hurt and pain. Scary because through this process it forces me to face my own fragility and imperfections. Scary, yet motivating. Motivating because it gives my time here with Sarah and Jodi a purpose. They are not just a job - they are beautiful souls created in the image of God and I have a lot to learn from them. I'm learning about a deeper kind of faith that is rooted in acceptance of life's hardships and sorrows and joys and imperfections.
It's in the life of the vulnerable that I see the Christian gospel most clearly. Faith somehow finally makes sense in the colorful and grey. The simplicity of acceptance. Accepting that which I do not understand. Accepting those who are different from me. Finding our differences to be not so different after all. Curiosity. Stubbornness. Obsessions. Plans. Hopes. Dreams. In a word, faith is my ultimate MOTIVATION.
//To keep going.
//To keep trusting.
//To keep learning and growing and changing.
//PS// It's been really encouraging to hear positive feedback from so many people who have heard about our new beginnings. We really weren't expecting to receive so much encouragement. I really truly want to thank you if you are taking the time to read our updates and look at our pictures or share your support for us. It means a lot to know there are people out there cheering for us, loving Sarah and Jodi, and also sharing life with people who have disabilities.
