Growing Pains

There is so much to say since I last updated this blog. 

So much life has been lived, shared, and enjoyed in the past 6 months that I have scarcely had time to think about it - much less write about it. Living one day at a time has been my all consuming purpose. The weight of additional responsibilities and challenges this year has kept me grounded and focused.

But today I'm intentionally stopping in the midst of the chaos swirling around me to acknowledge this season for what it is. 

It's been a season defined by growing pains. Inward, outward, and environmental growing pains.

I cling to the belief that the best kind of growth comes through pain. And therefore "pain" becomes not a negative concept to be avoided at all costs, but rather a gift to be embraced. Ask any wise person in your life where they learned their wisdom, and you will likely find the answer to have the same source: Pain. Hardship. Difficulty. 

Why this is - I don't yet know. All I know is that I'm growing - and its painful.

This year, I've purposed to face some of the inward realities of my past through counseling and have been learning to focus on who I am in the present. I'm leaning into who I am created to be, who God really is, and am slowly finding my way from endless striving to please others --towards finding rest and comfort in the sacred space within. It's been painful. Turns out there's a lot of accumulated shit in the spaces that were originally created sacred. And letting go of that shit is --well, a strangely freeing yet difficult thing to do. And so worth it. 

Outwardly, I've also experienced quite the growing pains this year. The growth of a beautiful new soul to share life with and the physical transformation associated with her arrival is perhaps the most beautiful analogy of growth through pain. Pregnancy, birth, sleep deprivation, and so many emotions. So much pain and joy and chaotic upheaval. And so worth it. 

Our shared living environment has also experienced growing pains.  

At this time, we are preparing to move out of our Shared Living home. The home we have shared with two women with developmental disabilities for the past two years and eight months. It's a bittersweet transition. We have no regrets from our time spent sharing life with Sarah, Jodi, and Acacia. It's been a deeply grounding and enlightening experience for us as a family and we will forever cherish these years, "the ladies", and all the memories we have formed together. It's been an even ratio of experiences ranging from challenging to joyous, mundane to exciting, and frustrating to hilarious. And so worth it. 

We are grateful to be leaving Sarah and Acacia in the loving hands of our good friends, Michelle and Chris Jones. They will be replacing us as caregivers starting August 1st. We are moving at the end of July into our own space in the nearby town of Issaquah. We are excited for this new season for all of us.  

Looking ahead, I am primarily excited about spending more time focusing on my two amazing children. I will continue to work with Community Homes on a part time basis as the coordinator of our five shared living homes in King County. I'm eager to stay involved with this housing model and help develop it further. Recruiting, training, and supporting caregivers will be my primary responsibilities - so if you know of any good candidates please send them my way! 

Meanwhile, Jesse has one year left in his graduate MBA program at Seattle University, and is thriving in his work at a local marketing firm. In his spare time he likes to write business plans for his dreams. As a family, we are looking forward to many more camping trips, soccer matches, and Pacific North West adventures in the days to come. In the next few months I will also be submitting my applications to graduate schools for fall of 2017. Stay tuned...the growth has only just begun! 

Caregiving as a Lifestyle

It's been a full two years since my little family of three adapted our lifestyle to make room for sharing life 24/7 with adults who have developmental disabilities.

Two years ago we had no concept how this process would change all of us. We were aware of the obvious challenges and restrictions that becoming 24/7 live-in caregivers would likely bring. We were aware of how little we knew about people with disabilities. We were aware of our fears and the likelihood of being stretched beyond our limitations. We were expecting that this lifestyle would stretch us, grow us, and change us. We were expecting to give a lot.

But one thing that we were not expecting was how much we ourselves would receive and gain through this process.

Recognizing everything we have received has been the greatest surprise over the past two years.  In previous posts, I've written about some of the struggles and challenges of Shared Living. But right now --at the beginning of year three, I want to take some time to reflect on what we have gained as a caregiving family who provide 24/7, live-in care for adults with developmental disabilities.

Part of our original motivation for signing up for this lifestyle job was to stabilize our finances. In 2012, we moved across the country, our first child was born, and we made the painful adjustment to one income and a higher cost of living --needless to say, all of this was brutal on our bank account. Savings quickly drained. It seemed impossible to make ends meet with one paycheck. I was desperately searching for a job that would pay enough to cover the outrageous cost of childcare for an infant. Jesse felt stuck in a dead-end job full of empty promises and poor compensation. We quickly realized that we both needed and desired more education in order to reach for our dreams and provide for our family.  

But how do you go back to school when you are barely able to pay bills at the end of each month?

We first needed to reduce our expenses, pay off our debts, and stabilize our income. So when a woman at our church told us about her three year experience of providing live-in care for adults with developmental disabilities through Community Homes, we thought that this could be a possible solution for our immediate needs. We asked her to connect us and everything quickly came together from there. 

Financially, this job has been a huge blessing. Although it doesn't pay much considering that we technically work seven days a week; it does offer free housing in a desirable neighborhood, free health insurance, no need for childcare, paid time off, and enough paycheck to cover the rest of our needs. With Jesse also working full-time, we have been able to live comfortably off one income, pay off all of our debts, and save the rest. I don't know many other young families who have this privilege. We are grateful to be on both the giving and receiving end of benefits for sharing life. Our lives enable Sarah and Acacia to experience integrated and vibrant lives in the context of community, and their lives enable us to experience financial stability, a simple lifestyle, and meaningful work while pursuing our dreams. 

Don't get me wrong - it hasn't been a cake walk. Getting to this point has taken a lot of discipline, grit, and hard work. Shared Living is no multi-level-marketing gimmick nor fast-track to big bucks. It is a simple, all-consuming lifestyle that has immensely helped us prioritize what is really important in life and forget about competing with everything else. 

Our housemates are inspiring in this area. They don't need a lot to be happy. They need to know that they are safe, they need to know what's for dinner, and they need to know that they are loved and cared for unconditionally. And sometimes an occasional soda. Everything else is pure joy. The simplicity of their lives and their routines have been oddly refreshing to live with. Odd, because simplicity is counter-intuitive to my busy and distracted nature, but refreshing in the way that only the simple things are. Contentment comes from the acceptance of who we are and what we have. Believing that we are enough and that we have enough. Everything else is pure joy. 

The evidence of pure joy can be seen in the shared life of our three year old son. Caden learned how to talk and walk in this home, and I believe that our years with the ladies are having a profound impact on his young life. Although my eyes might be mom-biased, I see a depth to his precious soul that I don't think he'd have without the influence of sharing life with people who are different than him. While he is a completely normal three year old with melt-downs, moods, and misbehaviors, he also has an amazing capacity for empathy, understanding, and concern for others. He lives a primarily joyful life with lots of freedom to imagine beautiful things. It's every parents desire to give their child the absolute best that they can, and its been a beautiful surprise to see that this lifestyle has been a really good thing for everyone in this home. 

Shared living is a beautiful, new model of care that gives me hope for future options for people with disabilities. And beyond that, it has given me hope for my own future and my family's future! Caregiving as a lifestyle has been one of my families best choices. It has taught us that life is best lived as an equal exchange - all giving with no receiving is a recipe for co-dependent disaster. We as caregivers cannot do all the giving while the ladies do all the living. Our household thrives on shared living and shared giving. It is a mutually beneficial dynamic.

I'm grateful to be supported in my caregiving efforts by Community Homes, an organization who cares about my personal thriving as well as the residents in their homes. This year, they have a big dream which is to see the number of their Shared Living homes triple --from four to twelve! As they are expanding this housing model, I am stepping into a new part-time role as the coordinator for their new Shared Living homes. As a coordinator, part of my expanded responsibilities include recruiting, training, and supporting new caregivers. 

The need for housing and care options for adults with disabilities in Washington State is immense. The reality is that there are are very few options. And there are literally thousands of people on waiting lists. The greatest need in this gradual movement away from institutionalized care is YOU. We need more awareness of the need, we need more financial partners, and most of all we need more amazing people for the hands-on work of respite and live-in caregiving. We aren't looking for mediocre, half-hearted, laissez faire people who kind of care. We want people who are passionate, eager to give and receive, ready to teach and learn. We want people who desire to make a difference and be part of something that is greater than themselves. Consider this an open invitation to explore the possibilities of beginning a journey towards the simple, rewarding lifestyle of caregiving. 

It might just change your life in ways you don't expect. 

We need your help to reach our goal of 12 Shared Living Homes in 2016! Here are some simple ways that you can be involved:

* Share this information with anybody who you think could help us achieve our dream of opening 8 new homes in 2016

* Watch this 4 minute video about the story of Community Homes

* Email me directly with any questions or to schedule a meeting: ruth@community-homes.org