...the process of changing/transforming/metamorphosing from one state or condition to another
The waiting...the unknown...the in-between. It is difficult to transition well. The familiar rhythms that one grows accustomed to and comfortable with, have to be laid aside in order for something new to rise.
It's a tricky thing to be present in the present moment while preparing for future changes. I'm not yet skilled at finding my way through such transitions. Rather, I just feel stuck most of the time. And for those who know me....they know that's not one of my favorite feelings.
I've found myself comforted by the familiar rhythm of fall these past two months. At least the transitions inside me are mirrored by the transitions outside of me. Dandelions are especially special. They wait and they wait for the wind to blow just right. Dependent on circumstances and forces outside of itself to bring about needed changes and regeneration.
Ah dandelions! How do they do it?? Just stand there and let the wind blow? I am such a doer. Such a busy mover and shaker. I want my circumstances to change - and change now. From this to that. But, sometimes there's nothing left to do or be - but to be present. Present in the uncomfortable feelings of change, uncertainty, and instability. So I sit. And I crochet. Because I just can't quite sit still yet. It seems to justify my anxieties a little more if I can turn them into something productive. Hats anyone? I've almost finished my eighteenth one in the past 5 weeks....
It's been a crazy, transitional season of life - and perhaps somewhat normal??? At least, I try to remind myself that awkward transitions are somewhat normal for someone of my tender age of 25.
However, most people probably try not to have a job change, a major re-location, a baby, and another job change/re-location all in the same year and all far from biological family and support. It hasn't been ideal. It hasn't been easy. But I'm hoping, praying, and trusting that these transitions will bring about substantial transformation in my life. I've felt pretty raw lately. Stripped down to my bare bones when it comes to strength and resilience. There's a lot at the bottom of me that I'd rather avoid and stay to busy to look at. But transitions help make me sit in it. And hopefully, I'm learning something as I sit here.
Being on the other side of the mountains has been good for me. It's given me perspective on where I've come from, what I've built my identity on, and what I value. And most importantly-- who I am apart from all of that.
I've viewed this year as a transition in a lot of ways - but primarily I've been finding it to be about discovering more about who I am. Who God created me to be. What my purpose and dreams and desires and unique giftings and skills are. I've discovered a lot in the past year. A lot that I probably wouldn't have had the same freedom to discover had I spent this past year among the familiar, the comfortable, and the surreal world of my upbringing.
I'm growing in confidence and courage. I'm learning to be ok with just being ok. Raw and all. I've been amazed and so grateful for the supportive friends and "family" of friends that have "adopted" me all along the way. Raw and all. They've really shown me the meaning of grace and acceptance.
The next chapter in this transition is about to begin as the discoveries continue. Over the next couple of weeks *hopefully* we will be moving into our new home and starting my full-time job as a care-giver and home-manager for two women with Down Syndrome. I've been spending a lot of time getting to know our new housemates - and they are remarkable women. I find it to be both inspiring and compelling that "disabilities" are not the defining characteristic of who they are or how they see themselves or others. I have a feeling that they will have a lot to teach me! I am sincerely looking forward to sharing life with them for awhile.
I couldn't have said my thoughts about the upcoming changes any more concisely than Ruby* did the other day on a walk that we shared through the leaves. She looked at all of her options and then found the one: "Look!" she exclaimed, "This one fits perfectly in my hand!" Yes, Ruby, it does. And it fits perfectly in mine as well.
*name changed for confidentiality
