Transitions...

 ...the process of changing/transforming/metamorphosing from one state or condition to another 

The waiting...the unknown...the in-between. It is difficult to transition well. The familiar rhythms that one grows accustomed to and comfortable with, have to be laid aside in order for something new to rise.

It's a tricky thing to be present in the present moment while preparing for future changes. I'm not yet skilled at finding my way through such transitions. Rather, I just feel stuck most of the time. And for those who know me....they know that's not one of my favorite feelings.

I've found myself comforted by the familiar rhythm of fall these past two months. At least the transitions inside me are mirrored by the transitions outside of me. Dandelions are especially special. They wait and they wait for the wind to blow just right.  Dependent on circumstances and forces outside of itself to bring about needed changes and regeneration.  

Ah dandelions! How do they do it?? Just stand there and let the wind blow? I am such a doer. Such a busy mover and shaker. I want my circumstances to change - and change now. From this to that. But, sometimes there's nothing left to do or be - but to be present. Present in the uncomfortable feelings of change, uncertainty, and instability. So I sit. And I crochet. Because I just can't quite sit still yet. It seems to justify my anxieties a little more if I can turn them into something productive. Hats anyone? I've almost finished my eighteenth one in the past 5 weeks....

It's been a crazy, transitional season of life - and perhaps somewhat normal??? At least, I try to remind myself that awkward transitions are somewhat normal for someone of my tender age of 25.

However, most people probably try not to have a job change, a major re-location, a baby, and another job change/re-location all in the same year and all far from biological family and support. It hasn't been ideal. It hasn't been easy. But I'm hoping, praying, and trusting that these transitions will bring about substantial transformation in my life. I've felt pretty raw lately. Stripped down to my bare bones when it comes to strength and resilience. There's a lot at the bottom of me that I'd rather avoid and stay to busy to look at. But transitions help make me sit in it. And hopefully, I'm learning something as I sit here.

Being on the other side of the mountains has been good for me. It's given me perspective on where I've come from, what I've built my identity on, and what I value. And most importantly-- who I am apart from all of that.

I've viewed this year as a transition in a lot of ways - but primarily I've been finding it to be about discovering more about who I am. Who God created me to be. What my purpose and dreams and desires and unique giftings and skills are. I've discovered a lot in the past year. A lot that I probably wouldn't have had the same freedom to discover had I spent this past year among the familiar, the comfortable, and the surreal world of my upbringing.

I'm growing in confidence and courage. I'm learning to be ok with just being ok. Raw and all.  I've been amazed and so grateful for the supportive friends and "family" of friends that have "adopted" me all along the way. Raw and all. They've really shown me the meaning of grace and acceptance.

The next chapter in this transition is about to begin as the discoveries continue. Over the next couple of weeks *hopefully* we will be moving into our new home and starting my full-time job as a care-giver and home-manager for two women with Down Syndrome. I've been spending a lot of time getting to know our new housemates - and they are remarkable women. I find it to be both inspiring and compelling that "disabilities" are not the defining characteristic of who they are or how they see themselves or others. I have a feeling that they will have a lot to teach me! I am sincerely looking forward to sharing life with them for awhile.

I couldn't have said my thoughts about the upcoming changes any more concisely than Ruby*  did the other day on a walk that we shared through the leaves. She looked at all of her options and then found the one: "Look!" she exclaimed, "This one fits perfectly in my hand!" Yes, Ruby, it does.  And it fits perfectly in mine as well.
*name changed for confidentiality

The Road Less Traveled

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

--Took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost 

 The Chase family is going places. 

 "We do not want to merely 'see' beauty. We want to be united with it, to receive it into ourselves, to become part of it." 

- C.S. Lewis -

...Because: Life is not a possession to be defended, but a GIFT to be shared. 

-Henri Nouwen-

These pictures document our incredible camping trip in the Mt. Rainier National Park for Caden's first birthday (which was on September 2nd). It was a much needed respite from a busy summer that has been full of preparations for another big transition for our family. This November we will be moving once again. We aren't crossing any mountains this time --just taking the I-90 bridge to the other side of Lake Washington. Specifically we will be moving:

Out of the city and into a suburb. 

Out of an apartment and into a home. 

Out of single family dwelling and into shared housing. 

We are about to plunge headfirst into the very different yet beautiful world of sharing life with people with developmental disabilities.

 Since February of this year we have been looking for options and ways to both make ends meet and reach for our longer-term goals. This is the one door that has opened that we together have the most peace about. We are committing the next 2-3 years to be employed as in-home care-givers/house-managers to support the highest possible level of independent living for two beautiful women with down syndrome. We are looking forward to learning and sharing life together with these two women for a season. Stay tuned. 

The Little Engine That Could

"I think I can,

 I think I can,

 I think I can..."

This is currently my favorite book to read to Caden. I like the rhythm of the words. But I also find myself a devoted admirer of the strength and resilience of "the little engine that could". I am thrilled that we were given the extended series of FOUR books that introduce the friends of the Little Engine who live in her train and encourage each other through various difficulties. Moment of truth: I am a little embarrassed to admit that I got teary eyes reading this section the other day:

"Chug chug chug UP the mountain....chug chug chug DOWN the mountain, went the Little Blue Engine."

"Puff, puff, puff. It has been a long day. She is getting sleepy. But she can't stop now."

Can't stop now. How does a child's book so perfectly capture the simple struggle to travel up and down mountain paths? To put just as much effort going d o w n the mountain as going UP?

A view of the majestic Mt. Rainier from the top of Mt. Si

One chug at a time....one step at a time...one day at a time. Resilience. Perseverance. Forward Movement. Ugh. Yes, I know, its exhausting. But I am gradually discovering that it is also deeply satisfying and exhilarating to look back and see where those individual, baby steps have led. I think about this a lot. Especially in the midst of my training for my upcoming triathlon on August 18th.

August 18th is a special day. It marks the one year anniversary - to the day - that I arrived in Seattle, knowing no one except Jesse, with all of our possessions in boxes, and being hugely pregnant - only two weeks away from Caden's life-changing arrival. I could think of no better way to commemorate this day than by committing to accomplishing one of my life-long dreams of completing a triathlon.

Ok, so this is view of Vancouver, not Seattle, but the point is the same.

Needless to say - this triathlon is a metaphor for my year. Swim, bike, run. It's been a lot to adjust too. Especially with a baby in tow most of the time. Finding a rhythm - a way to breathe - to face my anxieties and let them go is an on-going challenge. Some of the fears I've faced just in my training have included big questions like: "Am I strong enough?" "Do I have time to train?" "Can I really bike UP hills - with a baby?" "Does doing this even matter?"  "Am I -and my efforts- enough without all the fancy bikes/shoes/personal trainers?""Are the fish/bacteria/seaweed in Lake Washington going to kill me before I can even get on my bike?" Thankfully - my little steps - one at a time, have taught me that the answer is an affirming YES to all the above. (*Death by lake bacteria/fishes is still yet to be determined).

If the fishes/bacteria don't get me, lets hope the "deadly falling" also passes me by. 

I'm a very kinesthetic person. I often need to sort things out internally, processing the sensations of pain and stress in my physical body in order to figure out my thoughts. I have found that exercising is a great way for me to do this. It's a gift. To be fully present in my own body. To feel the struggle to breathe deeply and ask myself why? Where is the tightness in my chest coming from? Is it my muscles aching or my heart? Am I tired? Afraid? Nervous? Sad? Mad? Lonely? Its amazing to me what a little introspection can do to help me breathe. Especially when I first started running with Caden, I was just SO tired. So I ran/walked and I processed my thoughts. It started out of desperation and fear of succumbing to a deep, dark depression - but it led to running - not away from these fears - but right through them.

Believe it or not, I'm not a natural runner, its something that I have had to work at diligently. It's a rare day that I actually fully enjoy the experience of running - but it has taught me a lot about myself. I've learned that I CAN run with a baby. I can run in the rain. I can invite others to run with me, and even make some new friends that way. I can run at intervals. I can run at my OWN pace - and I can own my pace. I can run further the more frequently I try. I can "run with perseverance the race marked out for me" (Hebrews 12:1). And my personal favorite: I really feel GREAT after a run + shower. I need to be aware and reminded of these things. Because for me, its not just about running, or biking, or swimming, or even finishing a triathlon. It's about purposing to be a healthy person. A person who doesn't give up when the mountains look huge and overwhelming. A person who is committed to growth and change. That's what this year has been for me. One step at a time. In more ways than one. Swim. Bike. Run. Forward movement: the rhythm of growing, learning, and changing.

I really can't believe its been almost one year since we landed in Seattle. It's been a whirlwind. Lots of ups and downs and joys and sorrows. This is definitely not where I thought I'd be a year ago - I didn't even know we would be leaving Chicago a year ago at this time! I'm so grateful for the amazing people and community that God has brought into my life throughout this massive transition. People who have been tangible answers to my desperate prayers. People who have slowly become good friends who have come alongside me to encourage and support me by saying in word and in action "I think you can, I think you can, I think you can." I don't think I can in isolation. I've needed A LOT of encouragement along the way.

Just a few of my incredible and encouraging friends out here!

And I will need a lot more. There's some big changes looming ahead for the Chase family...they look like another mountain range. Jesse and I have been talking and praying and researching and planning a lot these days. We drew out our "road-map to age 30" this week and there's some exciting places to stop along the way with great views. Did I mention they are all uphill from our current vantage point? Stay tuned...more to come on all that later, after we get our hiking shoes on.

Enough.

Enough. Enough. Enough.

Is that enough? Do we have enough? Am I enough?

My efforts. My possessions. My self.

Will "it" ever be enough?

The year of 2013 has been a year of committing to saying yes. To thinking Yes. To believing that YES, yes IT IS enough.

My efforts - no matter how minuscule, mundane, or insignificant - they are enough. Not perfect, not without fault, not without room for improvement - but they are enough. My home isn't always spotlessly clean or perfectly organized, but it is always warm. My fridge isn't always stocked with the freshest most organic-est produce, but it is always available to share with others. My efforts are enough.

My possessions - they are not up for comparison or competition with others (or pinterest, or blogs, or magazines). Period. End of story. I am free to appreciate what others have, but I will not compete or compare or wallow in discontent.  I am grateful for what I have because what I have is enough.

My self - I am not the sum of my efforts and my possessions. My identity is not based upon what I accomplish or produce in a day, nor what I spend my money on. I am Ruth. Plain and simple. I am enough. Even without make-up. Even without a distinct fashion style. Even without popular music knowledge. Even without the affirmation or approval of others.

I'm kind of amazed that I am able to articulate these things. And admit them so freely - without even feeling ashamed. Even a year ago I thought I was headed for a life-time of people-pleasing and self-promoting. That's the soul-leeching result of discontentment. I know it well. It's not very peaceful. It's not conducive to empathy. And it definitely does not cultivate gratitude.

Gratitude. That's where it all started with me. At the beginning of the year, I read a book that my mother-in-law gave to me: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. This reading inspired me to make a New Years resolution that I have actually been able to keep. I resolved two things. 1.) Keep a list of all the "gifts" that I receive in my daily meanderings. And 2.) Pray a simple "breath" prayer of gratitude throughout my days.

photo compliments of Nicole Rule

Simple simple practices. That's where I needed to start. List-keeping and gift-receiving. My list is sitting on my desk now, and is waiting for me to write down the gift for number 443.

I had no idea how life-changing this simple discipline would be. Voskamps central challenge throughout her gripping account of struggling through life's losses and sorrows is to give thanks for everything. She illuminates the mystery behind the Christian practice of communion - the Eucharist - the elusive symbol of the body and blood of Jesus Christ. The ultimate picture of Grace - of Forgiveness - of Love. He gave his life - and He gave thanks. And it was enough. It was enough to satisfy the righteousness of God himself. And it IS enough. It is enough for me and all of humanity to be made whole. To be given the gift of Grace - to be Forgiven - to be Loved. Wholly and unconditionally. To receive and then share that gift with others, its such a beautiful thing. Our world could use more examples of gracious, forgiving, and loving people. Examples of lives that live louder than just words. Examples of men and women who live with consistent actions of grace, forgiveness, and love.

My most meaningful example of this is through receiving communion at my church every Sunday. This religious ritual has only recently taken on a powerful meaning in my life.  It really was just a ritual for so many years. But now, as I wait in line each week to tear off a chunk of bread and dip it in the wine - I am filled with amazement and gratitude that there is always enough for me. There's always enough grace for me. And enough grace for me to extend to others.

Breathing. That is my second resolution. Breathing. Such an important function for life - and so often taken for granted. In my massage practice this is something that I often coach my clients in. To serve as a catalyst for their own self-awareness. Taking a deep breath in.  And s l o w l y letting it out....and repeating. To bring awareness to the current state of being. The state of being present. In body, mind, and spirit.

Combining breath with prayer however, has been a new experience for me. One that has been gently encouraged by the writings and examples of my spiritual mentors over the last few years. However, it hasn't been until this year that I have actually been in a place of willingness and commitment to apply this discipline to my own life. Henri Nouwen insists that "prayer pulls us away from self-preoccupations, encourages us to leave familiar ground, and challenges us to enter into a new world which cannot be contained within the narrow boundaries of our mind or heart." (Reaching Out p. 90) And so I breathe. I breathe in and I say "Thank you Lord." I breathe out and I say "It is enough." Sometimes verbally - usually barely audible even to myself. But mostly I breathe in the safety of my own heart.  And it has been in that sacred, safe place where the change has been happening.

My own heart - its being renewed by these breaths. These breaths of gratitude. They have given fresh oxygen to my lungs. A deep and abiding joy in my circumstances. Breathing + pray help me keep my sense of rhythm. I acknowledge the gifts I daily receive from the giver of life. Gifts of life itself, of flowers, of mountains, of babies, of the elderly, of the refugee survivors, of lakes, of the ability to run, of birds, of farmers and their fresh market produce. And I am amazed. I am overwhelmed. It is not only enough - It is more than enough!

VANCOUVER

Every once in awhile, this little family of three needs some quality time. We equate "quality" as including:

• Being physically and emotionally present and engaged with each other.  
• Discovering, exploring, or experiencing something or somewhere new.
• Taking an intentional break from the demands of work and the daily mundane.
• Delighting in the little things (meaning: "quality" for us is not big, expensive, or stressful).

Mother's Day this year presented us with the perfect opportunity for some intentional quality time. Props to Jesse for arranging our delightful "surprise" trip to Vancouver weeks ahead of time! We've been itching to get there for awhile, and have been looking for an opportunity to use #mistercaden's pasport. In the midst of a busy season of growing, we really needed a peaceful and restorative weekend. And that it was. I'm so grateful for a husband who values rest and re-connection. Vancouver is just a 3.5 hour drive directly north from Seattle, the perfect distance for a little getaway. Below are a few pictures from our expedition and some snippets of what we found to do in our brief, two night stay.

Our arrival on Saturday night was welcomed with a fresh downpour of rain, which made for a drenching walk through a beautiful, nearby trail along a river, followed by the discovery of a fabulous local hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant that provided us with some superb and steamy Pho. We ordered take-out, and settled in for a cozy, rainy night in our awesome "Priceline" hotel in North Vancouver. 

We are super blessed with an amazingly pleasant and portable little guy. Caden seems to have an un-canny sense of "knowing" that adventure awaits, and is just as excited to make the most of it as we are. He has been teething for the past couple of weeks, and actually broke his first little toothers over the weekend - but somehow still slept and traveled like a champ.

We like to experiment with just how "minimally" we can travel with a kid, so we didn't bring our porta-crib. There was a hide-a-bed, so we pulled that out and surrounded him with sofa cushions so he wouldn't roll off. He slept his usual 11 hours at night, and then had a solid 2 hour morning nap each day before we took off for the explorations of Vancouver.




It rained most of Sunday morning, but we are now from Seattle - so that wasn't even a big deal. We have learned the art of joy-making in the rain. You just need a good rain-coat, a sense of humor, and a little perseverance. There are always breaks in the downpours, you just have to be ready to capitalize on them. We walked around downtown for a couple of hours in the rain, with Caden under the rain-cover in his running stroller. We really liked Granville street - lots of culture, unique shops, and local coffee shops. Downtown Vancouver struck us as really clean and well organized with lots of beautiful urban landscaping.  We really enjoy experiencing cities via foot to get a "feel" for the pace and personality of a new place.

Lunch time found us in front of a unique little hot dog stand that had a line out the door, and pictures of the strangest looking hot dogs that we had ever seen. The place was called "JAPADOG" and as the title insinuates, they served Japanese style hot-dogs. We had never heard of such a phenomenon, so naturally, we had to give it a try. The subtitle on their website (which I looked up later) pretty much sums up our experience, "Making the world happy and alive through hotdogs." If you have a minute or two to spare, I would recommend reading the heart-warming story of their humble beginnings. JAPADOG was started by a young couple with big dreams and determination, overcoming huge obstacles in a new country/culture, having a baby, and then experiencing huge success (thanks to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver!). Apparently, the Japanese hot-dog trend has exploded all over the U.S. - and as far as I can tell, JAPADOG was the trailblazer. Not sure that I would regularly put seaweed on my hotdog, but I appreciate the uniqueness.

After lunch, the rain stopped, (although the clouds never went away). So we were able to enjoy some more explorations via foot and bike. We drove over the Granville Bridge and explored a fun neighborhood known as West Granville. Enjoyed some delicious coffee, and browsed some fancy "dream" shops. On our way to the iconic Stanley Park (which is basically an island in the middle of the city that has been preserved as a park/wildlife sanctuary) we missed the entrance back onto the Granville bridge, and found ourselves on Granville Island! Granville Island turned out to be an awesome place of its own, and quite the tourist attraction. There is a large fine-art college on the island and most of the space is dedicated to showcasing the local talent. They also had a wonderful public market - similar to Pikes Place. Our favorite part was enjoying a show by a street performer, he was talented and hilarious, with the highlight of his show fitting his entire body through a squash racket while balancing on a wobble board 6 feet off the ground. Crazy Canadians.

 After this, we finally made it to our much awaited destination of Stanley Park! 

This picture of Stanley Park was not taken by me. Such a beautiful island-park, a gift in an urban jungle!

As it was getting close to Caden's bedtime, and he hadn't had a solid afternoon nap due to our gallivanting, we only had an hour to explore the park. Our goal was to ride our bikes all the way around the perimeter, which we gleefully did. Along with scoring some beautiful pictures of the city, we were glad to leave with our lives and bodies in tact after a couple of near collisions with tourists on bike rentals who had a strange tendency to stop suddenly or fall off their bikes right in front of you.

Real explorers wear helmets.

My blue and pink bike! It's one of my favorite ways to see and experience a city. 

 Monday morning we checked out of our hotel, and finished our Vancouver adventure with some quality time in nature. We hiked through the beautiful "Lynn Canyon" located just a few miles East of where we were staying in North Vancouver.

The suspension bridge passing over the canyon and waterfall.

The beautiful waterfall at Lynn Canyon

Monday was predicted to be the rainiest day of our adventure, but it turned out to be the most sunny and warm,  go figure...life in the Pacific North West seems to be generally unpredictable. Ha!

  Caden loves hiking with us, he starts "singing" little baby songs when he's bouncing around in the carrier. He was also quite thrilled with his first driving lesson with dad in the parking lot of Lynn Canyon. His favorite part was honking the horn. Not an essential for safe driving, but hey, we all start somewhere.

Final props to Canada for their high quality and aesthetically pleasing bridge designs! 

We look forward to coming back sometime soon. Next time, we hope to travel via Amtrak!

Growing.

We visited the tulip fields in Skagit County last week!

Springtime in Seattle is absolutely breathtaking. For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you know this to be true.

I have recently found renewed energy and joy through the visual symphony of ever changing colors and vegetation out here in the Pacific North West. I am inspired by the beauty around me that is so content in its simple life of cycling through seasons of resting, renewing, growing, and blooming. And then faithfully repeating that rhythmic cycle year after year.


I really like the idea of settling into a rhythm throughout life. I gave up trying to find "balance" (whatever the heck that means) long ago. Life seasons change so fast - each presenting with its own set of challenges, joys, and sorrows. When I've tried to focus on finding a balance, I just find myself swept away with perfectionism, competition, and the gnawing sense that somehow, someway, I was failing somebody, somewhere: ALL THE TIME. Maybe I'm just really bad at balance. It seems to work for other people, but I've been realizing I'm more of a rhythm kind of girl.

Rhythm allows me freedom to learn - to not have everything perfect, or to even have to "do" something all the time, I have freedom to rest when I need it. I have space in rhythms to grow - to ask others for help, to admit that I can't do it all. And at some point in my symphonic, rhythmic life - I find a strange burst of new life, new strength, new joy, new beauty --something that I failed to notice before, like the subtle crescendo in a Vivaldi Concerto. Something that I just might have missed had I been too caught up in "balancing" and keeping it all together. Rest. Renewal. Growth. Bloom. Seasons. It's rhythm. It's change. It's life.

Each flower that I have taken pictures of this year has already faded, their delicate petals falling away. Now treaded under ungrateful feet and swept onto the street. Its a simple life to "bloom where planted". Not much is glamorous about the daily, mundane tasks of the unfamous life. But I am an advocate for the mundane! I passionately believe that what happens in the mundane is of most crucial importance. Important because each life matters. Crucial because each life touches other lives. And how we care for our inner self-life does effect others. I can't care for others well if I'm not caring for myself well. The condition of my heart, my mind, my spirit, my body -- it is all profoundly connected. And it profoundly effects my relationships with others. The mundane moments matter.

My time here on the other side of the mountains has been a daily struggle amid the mundane. I have, until recently, felt like a deeply buried tulip bulb. Having a child of my own has absorbed me in a life of never ending and primarily unseen acts of love and care for my family. Its been overwhelmingly mundane at times.

Our dear Chicago friends, who started off as
next door neighbors Matt + Kara + Otis(RIP)

I think back to a year ago, and where I was, and how I was thriving in the season of "growing a baby". I was deeply involved and invested in my Chicago neighborhood of Edgewater. I had amazing  friends and I knew my neighbors. My work was fulfilling and supplemented with volunteering all over the northside of Chicago - most consistently with the Peterson Garden Project. I was continuously encouraged and challenged by Community Christian Church and our dynamic and genuine pastors, Rich and Dori Gorman, whose lives speak of a gospel of beautiful grace louder than any sermon they preach. It was a season of renewal and growth for me. After taking a year hiatus from "church" and "religion", Jesse and I returned with a renewed perspective and a more authentic faith. We were forever impacted and blessed by our time with the Gormans and CCC.

And then the boom: we suddenly moved 2,000 miles away! And then two weeks later, the bloom: our spunky little ball of personality was born, affectionately known as #mistercaden. All the time of renewal and growth seemed to have vanished over night! I was buried deep in the mundane, the exhausting, the lonely, and the very real sense of deep loss. I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown a time or two, it was just so deep and dark and cold. The sun didn't shine.  

My biggest battle was just getting out of bed. Once I managed that, I could keep moving, one sluggish step at a time. But some days I just needed more rest. And that was ok too. I couldn't always smile. I couldn't always laugh. I typically felt more sorrow than joy. Sometimes I forced myself to make friends, but most of the time I just baked. I baked bread, muffins, cookies, pies, cakes. I really love to bake. It was my therapy. And somehow all those carbs helped me get through (and I'm pretty sure, bought me some friends along the way).

So why do I record all of this here and now? Why remember the season of sorrow and the unwelcome rhythm of stopping to rest? Because I need it for perspective in my present season of joy and growth.

I have been renewed once again - by the receiving of grace. The acceptance of so many gifts. The realization of how much I have to be grateful for. Many of these gifts pay tribute to the mundane and are cataloged on instagram. Others have been profoundly personal - gifts given especially to me by the Giver of life itself.  Eucharisteo. Graces received. (Thank you to Ann Voskamp and her life-changing book One Thousand Gifts.)
Growing, thriving, and joyous are words that describe me now. Once again. Even more than before. Somehow, I think I've come to appreciate the rhythm a bit more. I now see that resting and staying in the mundane is what kept me sane.

In the mundane is where I continue learn the value of rest and renewal - and the impact that a renewed spirit has on others. During this time, I was listening to my mom friends talk about the difficulty of self-care once you have a child that demands all your care and time. I could definitely relate. This inspired me to create a solution - for myself and for others. So I developed the concept of Momssage.

My vision for Momssage is to make massage therapy one form of self care that is more easily accessible for moms. The library has become a good friend of mine over the past 6 months as I've learned how to write a business plan, set goals, develop marketing strategies, file for a business license,  provide exceptional customer service, etc etc etc. I just re-evaluated my 3 month goals, and I am pleased to see the growth. Not just in my business - but in my life - I feel the seasons changing. I am growing. I know the boom and the bloom and the season of rest and renewal will come again, and I will welcome its unbalanced return. But in the meantime, I am growing.

Staying.

There's an ongoing biographical album in my life of women who I look up to. Women I aspire to emulate. Women who don't define themselves by their careers, their spouses, their children, or their appearance. I am inspired by women who live courageously, freely, and consistently beyond themselves.
They are all different, these women I admire. They have that in common. They are unique in their strengths, unknown in their fullest, and yet united in their passion to create change - whether big or small.

Women like this help me envision a vision that is beyond myself, and encourage my courage - freely, without ulterior motives or hidden manipulations. I find women like this to be rare.

I was named after a woman like this. She's close to the top on my list of inspirers. Ruth. Four whole chapters dedicated to her life and journey in the Bible. She was a woman of great courage who overcame many mountains in her life. I have often been grateful for my name and its meaning of "faithful friend; one who shows compassion for others" and the inspiration that it daily gives me to live that out.

I read a fabulous book about her courageous story recently, entitled:  "The Gospel of Ruth" . With the subtitle of  "Loving God Enough to Break the Rules" how could I turn that one down?  Amazon's preview provides an accurate synopsis, "Ruth (typically admired for her devotion to Naomi and her deference to Boaz) turns out to be a gutsy risk-taker and a powerful agent for change among God's people. She lives outside the box, and her love for Yahweh and Naomi compels her to break the rules of social and religious convention at nearly every turn." Gutsy risk-taker. Powerful agent for change. Living outside the box. Compelling love. Breaking rules. Good stuff. I have a deep appreciation for theology that brings life, color, and new dimensions to the black and white, flat and stagnant characters and truths that I used know.

Ruth was a woman who lived courageously, freely, and consistently beyond herself. Funny thing about her and the mountains she faced is that she had no unrealistic fantasies of the grass being greener where she was headed. Being a woman in a patriarchal society changed the color of her grass all together. She not only left behind her homeland, her family, her friends and all that was familiar - she did it as a woman - as a widow - as a foreigner - impoverished - and unable to bear children, in a time and place that had no refuge nor respect for a person such as herself.

I have found myself often thinking of Ruth and refugee women like my Somalian friend Nurto in the days here when I miss the familiar, the friendly, and the fulfillment of previous days - on the other side of the mountains...I think of them. And I just have to stop. I have to stop and consider what it is that keeps them moving forward. And what it is that will keep me moving forward. How do I become a woman of courage, living freely and consistently beyond myself? I'm sure there are many answers for this question. But the answer that I have felt squeezed out of my bones in the tumultuous months of massive change and upheaval has been a question and testing of my inner commitments and the strength to keep them.

I used Ruth's famous words in my marriage vows. I committed myself. To both God and my husband in front of a crowd of witnesses I said, "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried" (Ruth 1:16-17).

Trials put great pressure on commitments. Trials test a commitments strength. Commitments under pressure either crack and break - or - they become stronger. I'm learning about love and faith all over again. It's not the feel-good love or the blind faith that keeps my commitment to my husband or to my God when the days are difficult. There is a deeper courage that is required to accept the icy plunge of staying and trusting that it will be worth it. I like how Ann Voskamp uses her words best, "Trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with planks of thanks" (One Thousand Gifts).

To stay. To be. To be - not just physically present - but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and whole-heartedly engaged. To honor ones commitments with courage and strength.This is where the women I admire are born. They don't run from life's sorrows, disappointments, losses, pains, or realities. They stay. They face them head on. No matter how big or how small. They believe in the beauty of courageous freedom that extends beyond themselves. And they stay.

Food for the Journey #BananaChocolateChipMuffins

In my first blog, I mentioned that I would also be writing about my physical journey out here on the other side of the mountains... So, today I am sharing my enjoyment of baking. Below you will find one of my most frequently requested recipes. If you ever worked with me, road-tripped with me, lived in my neighborhood, were part of my church, or were a classmate of mine in Chicago or Wisconsin, it is quite likely that you experienced one of my hearty banana chocolate chip muffins at some point. Hopefully it warmed and filled you deeply.

Ruth's Banana Chocolate-Chip Muffins:

yield: 1 dozen

1/2 C. unsalted butter or margarine (softened)

1 C. sugar (or 1/2 C. Honey, 1/2 C. Sugar)

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

2-3 ripe bananas

1 1/2 C flour

1 C. rolled oats

1/4 C. ground flaxseed

1/4 C. wheat germ

1 tsp. baking soda - dissolved in-

1 tbl. HOT water (needs to fizzle)

3/4 C. choc chips.

Pre-heat oven to 350. With a hand mixer, mix the butter/margarine, sugar/honey, egg, and vanilla until light and creamy. Add Bananas and mix well. Add the dry ingredients to wet ingredients and mix until smooth (don't over-mix). Generously fill a muffin pan lined with wax paper squares and bake at 350 for 20-25  min or until lightly brown and the tops begin to crack.

*Psssst* Here's my little secret for bakery perfect moist muffins.
Discovered by accident when I ran out of store-bought paper liners and needed to improvise.

These banana chocolate chip muffins are basically breakfast in a muffin. With a generous amount of oatmeal, flax seed, wheat germ, bananas - and the option to substitute half of the sugar for honey - I experience nothing but pleasure in both making and eating these. I have been making these muffins for the past five years on a pretty regular basis (at least a couple batches per month). The end result is truly one that I can call my own after numerous modifications and variations. I hope you enjoy them as much as we do!

Jesse loves having these available for the perfect
snack while walking to the train for work, or for
a mid-hike energy boost.