Staying.

There's an ongoing biographical album in my life of women who I look up to. Women I aspire to emulate. Women who don't define themselves by their careers, their spouses, their children, or their appearance. I am inspired by women who live courageously, freely, and consistently beyond themselves.
They are all different, these women I admire. They have that in common. They are unique in their strengths, unknown in their fullest, and yet united in their passion to create change - whether big or small.

Women like this help me envision a vision that is beyond myself, and encourage my courage - freely, without ulterior motives or hidden manipulations. I find women like this to be rare.

I was named after a woman like this. She's close to the top on my list of inspirers. Ruth. Four whole chapters dedicated to her life and journey in the Bible. She was a woman of great courage who overcame many mountains in her life. I have often been grateful for my name and its meaning of "faithful friend; one who shows compassion for others" and the inspiration that it daily gives me to live that out.

I read a fabulous book about her courageous story recently, entitled:  "The Gospel of Ruth" . With the subtitle of  "Loving God Enough to Break the Rules" how could I turn that one down?  Amazon's preview provides an accurate synopsis, "Ruth (typically admired for her devotion to Naomi and her deference to Boaz) turns out to be a gutsy risk-taker and a powerful agent for change among God's people. She lives outside the box, and her love for Yahweh and Naomi compels her to break the rules of social and religious convention at nearly every turn." Gutsy risk-taker. Powerful agent for change. Living outside the box. Compelling love. Breaking rules. Good stuff. I have a deep appreciation for theology that brings life, color, and new dimensions to the black and white, flat and stagnant characters and truths that I used know.

Ruth was a woman who lived courageously, freely, and consistently beyond herself. Funny thing about her and the mountains she faced is that she had no unrealistic fantasies of the grass being greener where she was headed. Being a woman in a patriarchal society changed the color of her grass all together. She not only left behind her homeland, her family, her friends and all that was familiar - she did it as a woman - as a widow - as a foreigner - impoverished - and unable to bear children, in a time and place that had no refuge nor respect for a person such as herself.

I have found myself often thinking of Ruth and refugee women like my Somalian friend Nurto in the days here when I miss the familiar, the friendly, and the fulfillment of previous days - on the other side of the mountains...I think of them. And I just have to stop. I have to stop and consider what it is that keeps them moving forward. And what it is that will keep me moving forward. How do I become a woman of courage, living freely and consistently beyond myself? I'm sure there are many answers for this question. But the answer that I have felt squeezed out of my bones in the tumultuous months of massive change and upheaval has been a question and testing of my inner commitments and the strength to keep them.

I used Ruth's famous words in my marriage vows. I committed myself. To both God and my husband in front of a crowd of witnesses I said, "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried" (Ruth 1:16-17).

Trials put great pressure on commitments. Trials test a commitments strength. Commitments under pressure either crack and break - or - they become stronger. I'm learning about love and faith all over again. It's not the feel-good love or the blind faith that keeps my commitment to my husband or to my God when the days are difficult. There is a deeper courage that is required to accept the icy plunge of staying and trusting that it will be worth it. I like how Ann Voskamp uses her words best, "Trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with planks of thanks" (One Thousand Gifts).

To stay. To be. To be - not just physically present - but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and whole-heartedly engaged. To honor ones commitments with courage and strength.This is where the women I admire are born. They don't run from life's sorrows, disappointments, losses, pains, or realities. They stay. They face them head on. No matter how big or how small. They believe in the beauty of courageous freedom that extends beyond themselves. And they stay.