A Double-Dipping of Grace

She double fisted the communion loaf again today. And when she turned around, her contagious smile couldn't have been more full of joy.

I watched her like I have nearly every Sunday for the past three years, while the words of my pastor echo in my heart, "Come empty handed and receive the body and blood of Christ."

And so she filled her two empty hands with the body of Christ. And her face was full of joy.

Some weeks she takes half of the communion loaf in one bulging grasp.

My pastor says, "This table is for you. In a world that tells you that you are not enough - this table is a tangible reminder that God is enough. Come as you are and take what you need."

And so she comes as she is and she takes half of the communion loaf. And her face is full of joy.

Once or twice I have even seen her double-dip her ginormous chunk of communion bread in both the chalice of wine and the chalice of juice.

My pastor boldly declares that everything we truly need to live a transformed life can be found right here at the communion table.  It's a reminder to receive the gifts of unconditional love and salvation that are available every moment of every day through God's amazing grace.

And so she soaks her huge hunk of communion in both the wine and the juice. And her face is full of joy.

My turn comes. I pinch off a small corner of bread from the communion loaf and dip it daintly in the wine. It's less than I need, but to take more would feel shameful or wasteful or selfish. My hands were already full. I take just enough. Nothing more. And I head back to my seat.

But then I pass her. She's already sitting in her pew, with her legs crossed, and looking up at the right hand corner of the ceiling with a huge smile, thoroughly enjoying her huge chunk of communion.

Her joy is so beautiful, so pure, and so compelling.

The reality is: She takes SO much. More than anybody else in our congregation. But not in a greedy or exploitive way. She takes what she needs. She is hungry. And she is honest. More honest than me and my dainty little pinch of neediness.

The reality is: She receives SO much. She receives the gifts that are available to her with open and outstretched hands. And she is satisfied. She doesn't have an agenda of personal advancement or arrogance holding her back. She receives communion with gratitude and doesn't hold back her joy.

She comes empty handed and walks away so full. I come with full hands and leave about the same.

Her joy and gratitude are so transparent and on display, while mine is often buried somewhere much deeper.

Her joy inspires me to be a receiver of gifts - not just a giver.

Because you know what? In all honesty: I need a double fisting and a double dipping of grace every day too.

 ** I've known my lovely friend Sarah for a little over three years. First as her full time caregiver for 2.5 years, and now as her friend and fellow parishioner at Grace Church in Seattle, WA. It's hard to capture her joy in a picture, but not in person. If you were there, you'd be smiling too.