Growing.

We visited the tulip fields in Skagit County last week!

Springtime in Seattle is absolutely breathtaking. For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you know this to be true.

I have recently found renewed energy and joy through the visual symphony of ever changing colors and vegetation out here in the Pacific North West. I am inspired by the beauty around me that is so content in its simple life of cycling through seasons of resting, renewing, growing, and blooming. And then faithfully repeating that rhythmic cycle year after year.


I really like the idea of settling into a rhythm throughout life. I gave up trying to find "balance" (whatever the heck that means) long ago. Life seasons change so fast - each presenting with its own set of challenges, joys, and sorrows. When I've tried to focus on finding a balance, I just find myself swept away with perfectionism, competition, and the gnawing sense that somehow, someway, I was failing somebody, somewhere: ALL THE TIME. Maybe I'm just really bad at balance. It seems to work for other people, but I've been realizing I'm more of a rhythm kind of girl.

Rhythm allows me freedom to learn - to not have everything perfect, or to even have to "do" something all the time, I have freedom to rest when I need it. I have space in rhythms to grow - to ask others for help, to admit that I can't do it all. And at some point in my symphonic, rhythmic life - I find a strange burst of new life, new strength, new joy, new beauty --something that I failed to notice before, like the subtle crescendo in a Vivaldi Concerto. Something that I just might have missed had I been too caught up in "balancing" and keeping it all together. Rest. Renewal. Growth. Bloom. Seasons. It's rhythm. It's change. It's life.

Each flower that I have taken pictures of this year has already faded, their delicate petals falling away. Now treaded under ungrateful feet and swept onto the street. Its a simple life to "bloom where planted". Not much is glamorous about the daily, mundane tasks of the unfamous life. But I am an advocate for the mundane! I passionately believe that what happens in the mundane is of most crucial importance. Important because each life matters. Crucial because each life touches other lives. And how we care for our inner self-life does effect others. I can't care for others well if I'm not caring for myself well. The condition of my heart, my mind, my spirit, my body -- it is all profoundly connected. And it profoundly effects my relationships with others. The mundane moments matter.

My time here on the other side of the mountains has been a daily struggle amid the mundane. I have, until recently, felt like a deeply buried tulip bulb. Having a child of my own has absorbed me in a life of never ending and primarily unseen acts of love and care for my family. Its been overwhelmingly mundane at times.

Our dear Chicago friends, who started off as
next door neighbors Matt + Kara + Otis(RIP)

I think back to a year ago, and where I was, and how I was thriving in the season of "growing a baby". I was deeply involved and invested in my Chicago neighborhood of Edgewater. I had amazing  friends and I knew my neighbors. My work was fulfilling and supplemented with volunteering all over the northside of Chicago - most consistently with the Peterson Garden Project. I was continuously encouraged and challenged by Community Christian Church and our dynamic and genuine pastors, Rich and Dori Gorman, whose lives speak of a gospel of beautiful grace louder than any sermon they preach. It was a season of renewal and growth for me. After taking a year hiatus from "church" and "religion", Jesse and I returned with a renewed perspective and a more authentic faith. We were forever impacted and blessed by our time with the Gormans and CCC.

And then the boom: we suddenly moved 2,000 miles away! And then two weeks later, the bloom: our spunky little ball of personality was born, affectionately known as #mistercaden. All the time of renewal and growth seemed to have vanished over night! I was buried deep in the mundane, the exhausting, the lonely, and the very real sense of deep loss. I thought I was going to have a mental breakdown a time or two, it was just so deep and dark and cold. The sun didn't shine.  

My biggest battle was just getting out of bed. Once I managed that, I could keep moving, one sluggish step at a time. But some days I just needed more rest. And that was ok too. I couldn't always smile. I couldn't always laugh. I typically felt more sorrow than joy. Sometimes I forced myself to make friends, but most of the time I just baked. I baked bread, muffins, cookies, pies, cakes. I really love to bake. It was my therapy. And somehow all those carbs helped me get through (and I'm pretty sure, bought me some friends along the way).

So why do I record all of this here and now? Why remember the season of sorrow and the unwelcome rhythm of stopping to rest? Because I need it for perspective in my present season of joy and growth.

I have been renewed once again - by the receiving of grace. The acceptance of so many gifts. The realization of how much I have to be grateful for. Many of these gifts pay tribute to the mundane and are cataloged on instagram. Others have been profoundly personal - gifts given especially to me by the Giver of life itself.  Eucharisteo. Graces received. (Thank you to Ann Voskamp and her life-changing book One Thousand Gifts.)
Growing, thriving, and joyous are words that describe me now. Once again. Even more than before. Somehow, I think I've come to appreciate the rhythm a bit more. I now see that resting and staying in the mundane is what kept me sane.

In the mundane is where I continue learn the value of rest and renewal - and the impact that a renewed spirit has on others. During this time, I was listening to my mom friends talk about the difficulty of self-care once you have a child that demands all your care and time. I could definitely relate. This inspired me to create a solution - for myself and for others. So I developed the concept of Momssage.

My vision for Momssage is to make massage therapy one form of self care that is more easily accessible for moms. The library has become a good friend of mine over the past 6 months as I've learned how to write a business plan, set goals, develop marketing strategies, file for a business license,  provide exceptional customer service, etc etc etc. I just re-evaluated my 3 month goals, and I am pleased to see the growth. Not just in my business - but in my life - I feel the seasons changing. I am growing. I know the boom and the bloom and the season of rest and renewal will come again, and I will welcome its unbalanced return. But in the meantime, I am growing.