Ups and Downs and All Arounds.

I can't believe its been nearly SIX months since we began our shared living adventure. Half of a year (which is one-fourth of our two year minimum commitment) has already passed. The rate at which our days go by has definitely increased over the past six months and reminiscing on it feels like taming a whirlwind. Similar to becoming new parents, this lifestyle change has been transformative and overwhelming and joyous all at the same time. In some ways it feels like we've been doing this for years, and in other ways it feels like we just started yesterday.

The best analogy that I have come up with to help friends and family understand what our shared living life is like is that of a ferris wheel. 

Not a roller coaster mind you - just a ferris wheel - please don't get the amusement park apparatus confused. Life with Sarah and Jodi is NOT a roller coaster - it's not fast, it's not extreme, it's not scary, and it's not incredibly thrilling. It's really just about as up and down and round and round and slow as a ferris wheel.  We have high days and we have low days, and we have many days that just feel like we went round and round and round. The view looks pretty much the same day to day, but when the skies are clear the view has the potential to be quite remarkable and inspiring. For the most part it is fair for me to say that our shared life is rather monotonous and tends towards mundanity.

I must take a moment here to pause and confess that I am actually a *bit* of an adrenaline junkie. My skin tingles just thinking about spending a day at six flags, sky diving (bucket list), or snowboarding down some real mountains. I'm a thrill seeker, a risk taker, a "skys-the-limit" kind of dreamer; a free spirited spunky girl who really does not like being confined. It's no surprise that I have never before in my life been excited about ferris wheels in the least.

And yet here I am. Riding the same ferris wheel for at least two years - maybe more. And I can't help but laugh! And most of the time I laugh with genuine joy! Ferris wheels are actually A-MAZING! (And, ok, at times a little boring) But who would have known? I finally get why people love ferris wheels. They are slow, but there is a rhythm. They go in circles, but you get a well rounded perspective. You sit without safety harnesses, but you are safe. They start and end low to the ground, but you discover a higher perspective somewhere in the middle. You share the car with others who are often strangers, but through the ride you share an uplifting experience.

As with everything, much of the enjoyment comes from perspective. In comparison to death-defying roller coasters named things such as "Steel Venom" and the "Wild Thing" poor little ferris wheels don't offer much. But one powerful and life changing lesson I'm learning is that joy does not equal excitement. Joy is something much deeper than that. I'm realizing that up until now, much of my life has been about chasing excitement and adventure and neglecting the joy available to me in each moment. Roller coasters definitely give an intense rush of joy through the surge of adrenaline, but they don't leave any leftovers. Living for exciting moments makes for a lot of depressing moments when you're in-between thrills. Ferris wheels are much more subtle, they are more simple, and they are more stable. You don't get a big rush of anything from them - unless you are scared of heights (and in that case you might have an accident in your pants like some of us do - but don't worry, I'll clean you up ;).  Ferris wheels have a unique ability to provide space for joy.

Our lives are very full. Being the primary caregivers for three people - two of whom are adults with constant need for supervision and support is no small task. It's actually a lot of work. Keeping mental and emotional space available for learning, personal growth, relationships, really is a discipline. We have much to be grateful for. However, it is a challenge to live out of gratitude on a daily basis. It's a temptation to let the ferris wheel go through its rotations without allowing ourselves to be amazed. I mean - we've seen it all now...right?? Sometimes its just difficult. It's that moment when you are on the ferris wheel and its going around the same circle for the 15th time and you see those happy people at the other end of the park with their arms flailing, screaming their lungs out, going down a 400ft 90 degree drop --and you just feel a pang of jealousy that you aren't there instead. Does anybody else out there have that problem??? When I stop embracing where I AM  -is precisely when I lose sight of joy and only see the confines of my monotonous life.

Thankfully, we are provided with ample resources to take time off. However, it requires much more detailed planning than simply packing up and leaving. I'm still fully responsible for my ferris wheel when I'm not on it. Every aspect of the ladies daily routines needs to be communicated and written out and the house needs to be fully stocked for a respite caregiver to live with Sarah and Jodi while we are away. In April we enjoyed a road trip vacation that took us through Oregon and Northern California where we spent most of our time in San Francisco with some dear friends. Jesse and I have always treasured road trip conversations and the opportunity to just be with each other and explore new places. This trip was so refreshing and needed. Caden is proving himself to be quite the compatible and delightful traveling companion as well. We are amazed at his patience with us and thirty hours in the car! In May we were able to get away again for several days to visit family back in the Midwest.

These brief respites help us re-enter the ferris wheel with renewed purpose and joy. We actually miss the dear ladies when we are away! They have become a huge part of our lives and we love them like family. Caden calls them collectively "WADIES" and individually "BOO" and "SEERAH". He thinks their bedrooms are the most coolest places in the entire house and a good chunk of my daily ferris wheel life is pulling him out of their spaces and attempting to teach an almost 2 year old something about boundaries.  At least we all enjoy bubbles, slides, picnics, teeter-totters, dogs, and disney movies. It's really quite a circus most of the time.

Somewhere in the midst of our circus/ferris wheel life we are amazed to look back and see the progress in our educational and personal goals during this time. Jesse and I both took the GRE (the test that is required for grad school admittance) which meant four months of grueling late nights with one of us caring for the ladies and Caden so the other could study. It's been exhausting but so worth it. Jesse was accepted to Seattle University to go back for his Masters in Business Administration with a focus in marketing and sustainability and will be starting this September. I am SO so proud of him. He's worked unbelievably hard for this. I'm also so grateful for the way that he encourages, respects, and breathes life into my dreams of further education while pursuing his own path. He's a rare and incredible man. We're both taking statistics this summer and then my studies will be put on hold until he finishes.

Meanwhile the ferris wheel goes up and down and round and round...up and down and round and round...up and down and round and round....